Why is my loved one not honest in our conversations?

Open and honest communication can sometimes be challenging for someone who have been facing personal challenges. Readjusting to open communication and honesty with family or friends takes time and will occur as your loved one progresses through recovery.

Reasons for Dishonesty

There are a variety of reasons why your loved one is not honest with you:

• Lying is an inevitable part of substance use and dependency.
• Being dishonest is sometimes a way to manage compulsions.
• Your loved one is likely afraid that you will be unhappy or disappointed if you know the truth.
• They may also be worried about seeming weak.
• It could be that this person is afraid of the real-world consequences of their actions. They may lie to avoid losing their job or damaging their relationships.
• There is even the possibility that your loved one worries that they may not be able to change their behavior.

By understanding the reasons behind the lying, you can help to bridge the gap caused by broken trust. It's something that should automatically encourage better communication and more honesty.

Other Ways to Encourage Honest Communication

Rather than label your loved one as a liar, which will cause more damage, try to understand their point of view. Stay calm and use positive communication skills to help this individual become more honest over time. 

Be prepared for what may come up, though, and use coping skills to deal with things that might be unsettling. Changing the way you communicate about their substance use will take practice, but it will get easier over time.